September 2016

Showing posts with label Just for Laughs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Just for Laughs. Show all posts

Sunday, November 6, 2016

Funny Church Signs

I am a fan of funny signs. I sort of collect them. So when I wrote The Coldwater Warm Hearts Club, I wanted to put an epigram, the verbal equivalent of a sign, at the beginning of  each chapter. Here are a few of them, interspersed with some of my favorite funny church signs:

After God created the heavens and the earth, He pronounced them good. Of course, He made squirrels, too, but everyone’s allowed at least one mistake.
~ George Evans, terror of fluffy-tailed rodents everywhere




Mrs. Chisholm is suffering from insomnia. She requests prayer and a recording of Pastor Mark’s sermon.
~ Marjorie Chubb, Captain of the Methodist Prayer Chain




The Reverend Harold Hiney will be filling in for Pastor Mark for our midweek chapel and the regular Sunday services. Our visiting speaker invites us to call him Pastor Harold.
No one calls him Harry.
~ from the Methodist Church bulletin




The sermon topic next Sunday will be “Is Hell Real?”
Come early and listen to our choir practice!
~ from a Methodist Church bulletin


Now it's YOUR turn. Have you seen any funny signs lately?

Monday, October 10, 2016

Insert Foot

Honestly, I don't know what gets into me sometimes. I'm usually a very nice person. At least, I try. But every now and then, a devilish little thought pops into my head and out my mouth before I can shoot it through my "nice-ness" filter.

Case in point: The other day the Dear Husband and I were coming out of Aldi's grocery. In case you don't have one of these stores near you, part of the "fun" of saving money on your food is slipping a quarter into a little slot and jiggling the heck out of it until the latch gives before you can take a cart out of the line and into the store. As a result, most shoppers watch for others to come out of the store. After the first shoppers unload their cart, the new shopper hands them a quarter and takes the cart off their hands so they don't have to fiddle with the latch.

So on this particular day, a lady came up to us after we unloaded and handed my DH a quarter.

"I figure he makes all the money anyway," she said to me.

"Oh, no," I quipped. "I'm the wildly successful one. He's just my boy toy."

She blinked hard and turned a horrific shade of puce. The DH nearly swallowed his tongue trying not to bust out in a loud guffaw. He was kind enough to wait on his laugh fest until we got into the van.

I'm glad he enjoys my twisted sense of humor. My claim was utterly untrue, of course. He's always brought home the lion's share of the bacon. I have no idea what possessed me to say what I did. I guess I thought it would be funny--and it was to my DH--but I embarrassed that lady.

The whole thing reminded me of a little poem I learned when I was a kid. It was in an old book of verse called The Cheerful Cherub.

I'm often more clever and catty than kind
It's such a temptation to show off my mind.
But if to gain laughter I hurt a good friend
It's plain that the laugh is on me in the end.

Of course that lady wasn't a friend, but the sentiment probably still applies.

How about you? Have you ever said something you wished you could take back?



Thursday, December 11, 2014

Jingle Bells Bluegrass

If I had one word to describe this bluegrass version of Jingle Bells featuring a 9 year old banjo prodigy, that word would be "Joyful!" I love this and I don't even like bluegrass!